i swear to god i am bi-polar. or maybe i'm just extremely hormonal. who the fuck knows. either way, my mood swings are giving me a bit of emotional whiplash. earlier today, i was so stinking happy. if i had seen someone walking around campus being as giddy as i was, i probably would have walked up to them and smacked them because those types of people annoy me. and now, i'm in my pissy poor me mood. what the hell? what brought this on? i guess i don't know what it is these days that is making me so happy. i really am blessed to have such a wonderful family and really amazing friends... but something just feels like it's missing. while i do absolutely love my friends that i've made here in kato, i just miss the familiarity of the ones back home. or the ones that i've known for years... there's always just stuff that you need someone who really knows you to talk to about, because they're the only ones who understand you, or can give you advice. here, i don't trust anyone THAT much yet. it really sucks having two of your best friends living far away. i mean, my best friend esra lives 4321 miles away. it's a little hard to find times that we can talk, but we make it work. my other best friend lauren lives like 20 minutes away. i have a bunch of people i call my best friends.. i use the term pretty loosely because it is so hard to just have ONE best friend. (lol love you all). so it's not that far, but it's hard for her to make time to come see me or anything because she's so busy with all her school stuff. she's just a popular little thing. :') lol love her. anyway, i don't blame them for being busy or for living so far away, it's just me being selfish like usual. what else is new? i just need someone to talk to that i know i can trust. that's all. i guess just certain things are really confusing me right now and i really just wish i could figure out the answers to all my problems. unfortunately, life's a bitch, and people are too. it's not that easy to figure out what is going on and why it is happening that way and why people do certain things to you or say certain things or act a certain way. at the end of the day, i still think life is a mystery. you never know why anything happens and you may never understand why it happens. but all that matters is that it IS happening, and you gotta learn to make the best of a shitty situation, quit being a baby and suck it up. it's something i'm slowly learning to do... very slowly. i still let the little things get to me sometimes, but i'm getting better. i need to get to bed, but i'll post again soon. perhaps when i'm in my upper mood. ;) much love!
-kates.
No comments:
Post a Comment