even on my weakest days i get a little bit stronger.

i swear to god i am bi-polar. or maybe i'm just extremely hormonal. who the fuck knows. either way, my mood swings are giving me a bit of emotional whiplash. earlier today, i was so stinking happy. if i had seen someone walking around campus being as giddy as i was, i probably would have walked up to them and smacked them because those types of people annoy me. and now, i'm in my pissy poor me mood. what the hell? what brought this on? i guess i don't know what it is these days that is making me so happy. i really am blessed to have such a wonderful family and really amazing friends... but something just feels like it's missing. while i do absolutely love my friends that i've made here in kato, i just miss the familiarity of the ones back home. or the ones that i've known for years... there's always just stuff that you need someone who really knows you to talk to about, because they're the only ones who understand you, or can give you advice. here, i don't trust anyone THAT much yet. it really sucks having two of your best friends living far away. i mean, my best friend esra lives 4321 miles away. it's a little hard to find times that we can talk, but we make it work. my other best friend lauren lives like 20 minutes away. i have a bunch of people i call my best friends.. i use the term pretty loosely because it is so hard to just have ONE best friend. (lol love you all). so it's not that far, but it's hard for her to make time to come see me or anything because she's so busy with all her school stuff. she's just a popular little thing. :') lol love her. anyway, i don't blame them for being busy or for living so far away, it's just me being selfish like usual. what else is new? i just need someone to talk to that i know i can trust. that's all. i guess just certain things are really confusing me right now and i really just wish i could figure out the answers to all my problems. unfortunately, life's a bitch, and people are too. it's not that easy to figure out what is going on and why it is happening that way and why people do certain things to you or say certain things or act a certain way. at the end of the day, i still think life is a mystery. you never know why anything happens and you may never understand why it happens. but all that matters is that it IS happening, and you gotta learn to make the best of a shitty situation, quit being a baby and suck it up. it's something i'm slowly learning to do... very slowly. i still let the little things get to me sometimes, but i'm getting better. i need to get to bed, but i'll post again soon. perhaps when i'm in my upper mood. ;) much love!

-kates.

HOMEWARD BOUND

yes, it is true. i am coming home tonight. if i lived like 93284 miles away, it would probably be a bigger deal, but whatever. i haven't  been home for a few weeks now and i'm actually excited to go home and see my mommy and my baby brother and even my bird... haha. kato is like a second home to me, but no matter what happens, waseca will always be my one and only home. :) annnnyyywwaaay... there's a football game here today. don't think i'm going to be going though.. i feel like i'm getting sick and sitting out in the cold just doesn't sound the greatest right now. maybe next weekend! oh wait, nope. because i have to work. AWESOME SAUCE. no matter, i think i'm just gonna clean up the apartment then head out. i don't know why i started this post today. probably had the intention of writing something awesome or inspiring but it's just not coming to me today. i guess this is what we would call a free write then. nothing is weighing too heavy on my mind right now and that's good. :) loving kato more and more every day! i'm loving my classes (not all the homework though), definitely loving the parties, and my friends. i was so worried i was gonna be a loner here when i came over here just because i'm usually really shy around people i don't know. but when you move to a place where hardly anyone knows you, you are blessed with the opportunity to reinvent yourself. you can be anyone you want to be, because no one knows what you've done, who you've been with, what you were like before. it's actually a really great thing and i think i like who i have become since i moved. for the most part anyway. :) well, i better get to that cleaning now. the dishes aren't going to do themselves! although i seriously wish they would. fffffffffuuuuuuuuu-.... peace. and. blessings.


-kate.

to write is...

i find it incredibly hard to believe that i've been here in mankato for almost a month. it really doesn't feel like it has been that long. i guess time flies when you're having fun! (like writing essays the day before they're due is really fun... not doing that again. EVER. lesson learned.) anyway... earlier today i was in a really fantastic mood. i just got to thinking about how awesome my life is right now and how lucky i am to have made such good friends here in mankato. i just got home not too long ago from hot tubbing it up with jamie and the boys and had fun as always. that dick of a security guard really  needs to lay off patrol though, ha i think he might start to think he's really a cop or something. anyway, now that i'm back in my room in my apartment, i'm all by myself. that's when my mind really starts to wander.. i start thinking too much about things i really probably have no reason to be worried about and for the sake of not spilling all my dirty little secrets to whoever ends up reading this, we'll just leave it at that. well, actually, let's just say that i'm not exactly thrilled with the way some certain events have panned out, and i'm wishing that there was something i could do about it. but, like i always say, no sense dwelling on something you can't change, and ultimately have no control over. at the end of the day, no matter how many stupid choices i make, no matter how bad i screw up, i know that my friends have got my back, and you guys really have no idea how blessed i am to have you. :) even if you are all really weird. time to actually stick it to my homework now! i'll post again soon. oh, hey, t-minus 9 minutes until thursday... stay thirsty my friends. ;)

when you've got nothing else...

it's actually been quite a while since i've posted a blog. i apologize, although the two of you that actually follow my blog probably don't give a shit. :) tonight, was a good night. just like all the rest of my nights here in mankato. i moved out on august 19th, and although i miss my waseca home and friends and family, i absolutely love it here. i have come to find that making new friends would not be as hard as i thought it would be, and i have a group of people who is my kato family, and i love them all so much. lately i've been feeling a lot of pressure from my family to change who i am. not gonna lie to you, i've been drinking here in kato. i'm in college, get off my balls. it's not like i'm an alcoholic, i just like to party with my friends. no big d. but my family seems to think i've changed completely, and it's sadly just not the truth. i moved out for a reason. i wanted to make my own choices and live life for myself for once instead of constantly living up to someone else's standards. i'm not a loser, contrary to what my loving twin sister thinks. fortunately for me, i know the truth behind her words. she used to drink, and smoke and do whatever else. so it's not like i'm the only one who has ever done it. i'm just sick of feeling worthless to all my family. i guess at the end of the day, i'm glad my kato family has still got my back. and if my real family refuses to accept me for the way i am, they will. truth? yes. harsh? maybe. do i care. hell yeah i do. but it's just the way it is i guess. i love you jamie, grant, sammy, paul, allen, kristina, megan, alonna. <3